Letting go can be painful, but your sanity and your healing are worth so much more.
Recently I had a conversation with a close friend about things that have been happening on a continuous basis in her relationship that has spanned more than a decade. A child was born outside of the relationship and money has been misused. Initially, she thought the money was used for gambling but found that it was spent on another woman. She wanted to know how it was that I was able to come to the decision to leave my situation and move on in life while juggling all of the things that I do. She confessed the fear that she has of being a single mother and balancing a seriously hectic work schedule as an executive at a private firm while being alone. While our situations were different, I could still totally understand the place that she was coming from. We can only plan so much of our lives, the rest is left up to chance. Of course, had things gone as planned for me, I would not have needed to leave. It is impossible to plan for crossroads such as these in life. But, these things can happen nonetheless and to anyone at anytime. At the end, our power lies in how we decide to gather our strength and deal with whatever we are faced with. You must choose to forgive or move on, but you cannot wallow in the hurt. It will pull you down. Rather than give reasons why she needed to leave as some of other friends had done or feeling the need to judge, I asked her “Can you see yourself going through this every day for the rest of your life?” and “What if he does this again?” I also asked “Can what he has done be forgiven? And if so, can you truly let go?” She told me that she was able to forgive him. I asked her, “Are you also able to not hang it over his head and bring it up over and over again?”My friend was completely silent and not able to give a definite answer for each of those questions. I suggested for her to take some time, however long is needed, to think about what direction she wants her life and her relationship to be in. You see, we all have our breaking point, and for each person, this is a different time and place. Mine can after quite some time. For some women, it may take a just once, a few times, a few months, or years to come to such a conclusion. What one woman chooses for herself does not leave room for another to pass judgment. Staying does not necessarily mean a lack of self-respect. When a woman is ready to move on, then that is when she is ready.
Relationships are meant to be a source of joy and happiness. Of course, there will be ups and there will be downs. Any relation that makes you miserable and leaves you feeling depressed is not the one you need to be stuck in. Staying because you have children is not an excuse, although it can weigh in your decision. If you are unhappy in your relationship, if there is disrespect or even violence, your children will see these things. Any relationship that pulls you down or inhibits your growth is one that should be reconsidered. Once you have determined that you do want to leave, take a deep breath and a leap of faith. Let the love that you feel for yourself motivate you to want more out of life and more from an intimate relationship. We all deserve to be happy.
For all the women out there who are going through some bad bumps in their relationships or are ready to let go, we have compiled some helpful tips on how you can move on:
1.) You have the right to move on.
This is your life and only you have the right to decide what you want and what you need to walk away from. You are in the driver seat of your own life. You have the power to decide what is good for you and what isn’t. Learn to stick with your decisions and your gut. Talk to your family and friends in the moments when you start getting cold feet about the decision that you have taken. Being around people who care and support you helps big time.
2.) It takes time.
Ending a relationship is not some magic and it does not happen in an instant. It will take time. Moving away from the feelings that once kept you together, dealing with the aftermath of any pain that you may have been in, or collecting your things, will take a lot more than just a few days. Make a plan with actionable steps that you can take each day. Stick to the plan that you have prepared for yourself.
3.) Realize that he or she is not the one.
In the world where millions walk past us every day, you should not force yourself to stay with someone just because of time spent, a plan made, or even children involved. To keep your relationship together, you need more than those promises and the love you feel for your children. You need happiness and love between the two of you as well as a commitment to actively work at and on the relationship. If you are not happy then, or one party is not putting in the effort to grow and sustain the relationship, believe it or not, this relationship is not meant to be. Once to you come to this realization, allow yourself to grieve, and then move on.
4.) Accept your mistakes and feelings.
Denying what is wrong and your role in what has happened will not do you any good. Do not make yourself into a victim if you have not been one. Keep your power for yourself. Every relationship is like a chapter in your life and can be dealt with as such. You can turn the page. Don’t be petty or resort to violent behavior. End it properly and give it a closure it deserves so that you would have no skeletons from the past haunting your life ahead. Accept all the feelings that the two of you have and conclude why it can’t work anymore. Do not be ashamed of what you feel. It would only make you stronger.
When a relationship ends, there can be a variety of emotions that you feel. Do not carry emotional baggage as it will keep pulling you down. Instead of clogging it all inside, talk about it and get it out. There is nothing wrong with speaking with a therapist so that you can begin your healing process. You will be motivated you enough to do what is right for you.
If you decide to forgive what you feel as wrongdoing in your relationship and remain in it, you must commit to that forgiveness in order to truly move on and heal the relationship. It is harder for those around you to forgive than it typically will be for you. Forgiveness also means that you will not use the incident as a reason to hold your mate hostage or bring it up each time you are upset. If you feel the need to continue to bring the incident up after a couple of conversations about it, perhaps you may not be ready to forgive. Forgiveness and letting go are synonymous, they go hand in hand with one another.
To learn more tips about what you can do to move on from a relationship that has come to an end or to give tips, please feel free to email us at info@womb-ology.com!
With Love and Light,
