We’ve all been hurt before. Sometimes it’s been twice. And sometimes, it’s been more times than we can count. The pain of betrayal forces us into these hardened shells and we walk around stiff and rigid, closed off from everyone else around us. Not only do we block the potential of love, but also we block our blessings. Here’s to finding that rainbow of happiness again.
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So, I was watching My Girl 2 the other day. Now, I’ve been watching this movie since I was a little girl. I’ve always loved both My Girl films. In fact, the first one inspired me to be a writer. But watching the second one this time around spoke to me in a different way. It made me think about all of the pain and hurt that we endure as humans, and how rather than letting it go, we allow the grief to swallow us whole. As Vada’s mother sang “Smile”, my heart just melted away.
This scene gets me every single time. Every SINGLE TIME.
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by…
If you smile
Through your fears and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
If you…
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just…
Smile
The last 4 lines are probably what pushes me over the edge every time. And when I cry, it’s an ugly cry. I’m talking about runny mascara and all. It felt so good to cry. I know crying can be seen as this depressing thing, and women are often shamed for doing so, but it was a release for me. It felt as if I was subconsciously letting go. This is when it hit me that we are all holding on to something, whether we are conscious of it or not. And that whatever it is, it’s eating away at parts of our souls. No makeup can cover these scars.
In vowing to never again be vulnerable to love, we pull up our armor and go into survival mode. But survival mode isn’t living, it’s just making it by. Rather than working on our own healing, we aim to keep others away as we lick over our wounds. By not dealing with the root of the pain, our wounds are left to fester. We get so good at licking our wounds that we think we’re over all of the pain. Then one day, it manifests itself seemingly out of nowhere. (Like crying in the middle of My Girl 2). Sometimes, in protecting ourselves, we also hurt others by pushing them away and denying them the very best of ourselves.
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” — Brene Brown
So how can we find the rainbow after we’ve been hurt and move forward in life? Simply put, you must want to. In order to be able to heal, you must want to do so AND you must actively work on it.
- Make a conscious commitment to release pain
Even if it takes some time to get through or if the pain is overwhelming, make a conscious effect to heal yourself and your heart. Commit to being the best version of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You are a gem, so allow yourself to shine.
- Forgive
Forgiveness is not about giving the person that hurt you another chance to do so or about accepting what they did. You don’t have to forget it either. It’s about releasing those feelings that hold you hostage, stuck in the same place throughout time. This also releases you from an eternal connection to the perpetrator. Instead, allow yourself to be filled with peace and free from anger or negative feelings. You’ll also want to stop rehashing it by bringing up the story over and over to friends or relatives, using it as a crutch as to why you feel or behave a certain way.
- Write it out
Writing out your feelings is one of the most therapeutic things you can do for yourself. Grab your favorite journal and a pen and then write it out. I love sketchbooks as I can draw, write a poem, write a journal entry, or a bullet list. I like to use erasable gel pens and colored pencils.
- Let go of expectations
Expectations are the root of disappointment almost every time. When our realities don’t match up with our expectations, we tend to lash out. Everything begins to spiral downhill from there. Expectations and placing value of your worth are two separate things. Expectations are conditions that you place on others for how you feel they should behave or do things. Since we are all individuals, we all do things differently. You cannot hold other’s accountable for what you think should happen. You can only hold them accountable for what they actually do. When changing your mindset on this, you’ll find that you’re less likely to be let down.
- Set your fears free
Fear is so very crippling. It not only prevents us from moving forward but also keeps us from looking back. When you feel the fear creeping up in your body, remember your commitment to being your best self and push through anyway. It’s okay to let people that you trust that you have some residual fear. Allow those who care about you to be your rock.
- Give yourself grace
In releasing pain, allow yourself grace. Healing is not a perfect journey. There will be some hard days. There will be moments that your feelings or fears will get the best of you. Give yourself the grace of being human and knowing that it’s all part of the process. Be kind to yourself and speak life into yourself. Negative self-talk only intensifies and prolongs the pain.
- Remember you’re in control
Your rainbow can only be obtained by you. There is no one on the planet that can reach up and take it from you except for you. It is yours and yours alone. You are a victim of the rules in which you live by. Rather than placing them on yourself, or allowing others to, feel the freedom of flight.
With love and light,
The Womb Love Box is a curated cruelty-free box of handmade items that support womb wellness and foster a deeper spiritual connection and loving relationship with one’s self. Each product selected from a variety of womanpreneurs who are dedicated to the service of helping other women feel beautiful and inspired within themselves. Each monthly box includes 4-6 full-size items which can including handmade soap, aromatherapy, apothecary beauty products, superfood snacks, herbal teas, books, handmade jewelry, and more.